Birthdays and such
When I was growing up, celebrating my birthday felt like a bit of a trial or hardship. I was in a clump with several relatives so most of the time it was a group celebration.
At work, I ended up in between two other coworkers with birthdays on either side of mine. Our boss used to call us the birthday lump. So it was another group celebration.
I had some things happen on my 16th birthday that fed my reason for why I said I just finally stopped celebrating my birthday altogether at that age.
Of course I had no problem celebrating other people’s birthdays. Big. blowout celebrations for friends and my own children. I just didn’t want attention brought to my own birthday.
I never really thought much about why. Until I read this post from another Korean Adoptee (KAD).
Jon Michael Lee - Being someone who does not know my actual birthday, like so many in this group. Today is the day I chose for myself. It makes this day something that holds meaning to me now. Most of my life I didn't have much regard in celebrating the one given to me, for it was the day of my intake into the orphanage. I wonder if any of you have done what I have done and how you feel if you also were assigned a birthday. On a side note, my wife and stepson said happy birthday every day for a year, so they could say it on my birthday, whatever that actually is.
When I read this, I had a sudden visceral reaction. Almost like an explosion in my head. This, this is why I felt so disconnected on my birthday. Because I never knew if I was celebrating my actual birthday. Having been abandoned, my adoptive parents were told that they guessed I was about 6 months old based on my teeth and so assigned a birthday based on that. And also assigned my name (more on that later).
At my age, I don’t really feel a need to have a big old celebration for my birthday. It’s become too easy to just let it slip into the background.
But maybe, just maybe, my trip to Korea this summer is a birthday gift to myself.